Today I’m 46. Life is somewhat what I expected, but also very different than I could have ever imagined.
I always knew I was destined to be a Mom, but I had NO IDEA what amazing kids I would be blessed with. I thought it would be cool to bring little souls into the world and teach them a thing or two. Little did I know they would be the greatest teachers of all for me. I learn every day from their unique perspectives, wisdom, unjaded view points and child-like spirits. More importantly, I understand unconditional love in a way I never dreamed.
Being married was definitely in the life picture for me but I never thought it would happen twice. And when divorce hit and I climbed the greatest mountain of my life, I had no idea how much compassion and healing would come out of that situation. And finding my soulmate? I thought it would just be someone I could hang out with for life. I never realized it would be the person that embodies that part of my soul that was always missing. I found that in my best friend, my husband, Brien.
I’ve always been driven, no doubt about it. When I do something, it’s with 100% effort and a relentless spirit. This quality helped me succeed in many ways throughout life (make no mistake this quality has also been the cross I bear) but I had no idea that drive and relentless nature would land me running a successful business with an incredible organization. And I definitely never dreamed I would be running neighborhood publications, that’s for sure. Who knew?
I clearly remember when I realized that I’m an introverted empath (I was 16). Up to that point, I just thought I was weird. I knew I was different. I longed to “connect” deeply with people, rather than dabble in surface relationships, but not many seemed to want the same so I was left feeling isolated and even sad. On top of that, I could literally FEEL others in a way they couldn’t feel me. It was an odd phenomenon for me to come to grips with, but when I did – I felt a sense of freedom. Since that day in my 16thyear (deeply etched in my memory), I have grown to not only accept, but truly value this difference I embody. I’ve found a few others along the way (my son being one of them) so when I find them, I hold on tightly. I value my soul connections as I know they are rare and real.
And that solitutde I’ve always found comfort in? Talk about feeling weird! I used to come home from a long day at school and see all the other kids going out to play when all I wanted to do was snuggle in my room and read a good book (Little House on the Prairie and Judy Blum were among my favorites). This desire only contributed to my alienation from others, so I fought it tooth and nail. Until I didn’t. And when I didn’t, I was once again, free.
Today, on my 46thturn of the planet, I sit ALONE at a local restaurant, feasting on my favorite food and beverage, writing this piece because solitude, expression and owning who I am are the things that bring me great joy.
So if you are reading this, THANK YOU for being part of my world. There is no doubt you influence me, there is no doubt that I feel you, and there is no doubt that I respect our connection.