Treading the Unknown…
It’s been 5 months since our #TranscendCancer journey began. My first post was in May, after we found out about the diagnosis of Bien’s prostate cancer, but the journey really began months prior to that when we learned of his elevated PSA levels. From that moment, we’ve been living in the “unknown”. First the unknown of why the levels were elevated, then the unknown of the 2nd set of blood work, followed by the unknown of the biopsy result, on to the unknown of whether or not the cancer was present outside the prostate, then onto the questions about what treatment would look like, followed by the unknown of how we were going to pay for all of this, having an insurance policy that did not touch cancer…..moving into the unknown of what would transpire in surgery – to now, sitting in the waiting room at Mayo Clinic, waiting to see the doctor to give us the pathology results one week after surgery.
And here is what he told us, “It’s worse than we thought. The cancer is an aggressive and dangerous type, a pathological T3B that invaded the seminal vesicle on the left side.”
As a person who prides herself on being fairly intuitive, I missed the mark with this one. I held Brien’s hand on the way to Mayo telling him, “I’m confident everything is just fine – this cancer journey is over.” He, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure. In fact – his intuition told him otherwise….so much so that we burned sage through the house after a terrible dream he had last night. He knew.
For at least the next two years, we will be at the mercy of routine bloodwork, testing the PSA levels for any sign of the cancer returning. At our first meeting (with a different doctor), we were told that the removal of the prostate would ensure 100% that the cancer would be gone. Before surgery, we were told that the surgery gave us 85% assurance the cancer would be gone. Today we were told that there is a high chance it will come back…50/50.
Although it feels like I just got punched in the stomach, I have a glimmer of clarity through this. Our new norm is living in the unknown, and when we are in the unknown, we are forced to be in the “now”. There is simply no way we can go the next two years waiting and wondering. So, our plan? Relax, enjoy life and take it as it comes. Isn’t this the way we should always roll anyways?