It’s been 5.5 months since our lives changed forever at the hand of domestic violence. That dark tunnel I was in after it happened seemed never ending. I knew there was a light waiting for me somewhere, but I just couldn’t see it – until now.
I think the universe is on my side. Heaven and earth have finally aligned. Days are good, and that’s the way it should be. These lyrics to the song, Bright by Echosmith, ring so true for me today.
Walking away from everything you know can be overwhelming. But staying in a situation that is darkening your soul can be fatal. Being in a toxic situation may not kill you on the spot, but it will slowly eat away at your essence and eventually diminish your light. I will never regret walking away from that toxicity. Life is good, and that’s the way it should be.
I’ve done more self reflection and inner work over the last few months that the accumulation of my entire life. The strongest realization I’ve had is that my hallmark trade has been to put others’ needs and happiness before my own. I’ve always done all the right things to take care of myself; exercise, yoga, meditate, journal, therapy, self-help seminars / books, decent nutrition…nothing excessive. But I was missing the key element to absorbing all of the nourishment from these pursuits – I was offering all of my oxygen before I took the time to take the deep breaths my soul needed to expand. It’s funny, the universe has its’ way of showing you when it’s time to stop and really inhale.
Today, I think the universe is on my side. I’m slowing down enough to appreciate everything. I am being vulnerable enough to allow others in, and when I let the right ones in, I feel like a million bucks. Incredible people have entered my life. I wake up everyday feeling cherished and valued….not only by others but by myself. I see colors in a different way. And although I can’t 100% speak for them, I can say with mother’s intuition, that my kids are experiencing the same phenomenon.
Yesterday was the funeral for my 34 year old nephew. It was incredibly sad. We mourned the loss of a life that seemed to have been taken too early. But I was also able to feel the warmth of his spirit. Throughout the service I kept hearing his voice saying, “Auntie, Auntie.” I could feel the fire of his soul living on. I’m not sure I would have experienced this the same way if I were still enveloped in toxicity. I have learned that when you are caught up in a toxic situation, all of your energy goes towards survival. You are in constant fight or flight which means your nerve endings are fried. There is no room to feel and appreciate, you simply persevere. Things are different today. It’s like a moonbeam brushed across my face.
Is everyday rainbows and butterflies? Absolutely not. There are tough days. The PTSD associated with Halloween 2021 still wreaks havoc from time to time. The underbelly of our situation is still exposed and raw. BUT, the big difference is that the future is BRIGHT. We are free, we invite connection, love and bliss.
If you are reading this, you have most certainly been part of the healing process. Your support, goodwill and tenderness have literally changed the course for our family. Did you see that shooting star tonight? Were you dazzled by the same constellation?
Did you and Jupiter conspire to get me? I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right
‘Cause now I’m shining bright, so bright. I’ve always loved the lyrics to that song, Bright, but today they have a whole new meaning.
To the army of angels who have literally lifted us up from what felt like the depths of hell, there is no proper way to thank you and so I will just say, you will forever hold a special place in our hearts. Kindness matters. Love wins!
And a big thank you to Adrienne Perry Photography for capturing these photos that represent our current state so well. Your unrelenting selflessness is admirable and contagious.
Shine bright my army of angels. You literally light up the world.