Vitally Vulnerable
Naked. It’s the perfect word for how I’ve felt the past 6 months. After our traumatic bout with domestic violence on Halloween 2021, we decided to be open about what had transpired, which made us completely vulnerable. We opened ourselves to ridicule and judgement….for being in “that kind of situation”, for being so open, for utilizing social media and other online platforms to share our journey. We felt it. We knew a world of judgement was on our shoulders. But we had a mission large enough to walk through the fires of sneers. We were seeking freedom, for ourselves and maybe even for others.
On the polar side of the scoffs there existed something beautiful. A world full of love and support. We realized how many people out there not only stood by us through our journey but could also relate in one form or another. I heard from moms who were living in a world filled with violence. I heard from men who lived through domestic violence when they were younger. I heard from parents who witnessed their spouse committing domestic violence with their children. It became clear very quickly that there was a far greater purpose for our openness. In sharing our authentic truth, we opened the door to compassion, understanding, connection and love. We were vitally vulnerable.
I’ve blogged every month since it happened. Month 1 I was throwing Glitter in the Air for my army of angels. Month 2 I was coming to the realization that Everything Will Change. Month 3 I admitted to being Uncomfortably Aware. Month 4 I was reconciling with the idea that Better Days were on the horizon. Month 5 I was feeling Bright as I was coming out of the darkness. And now, month 6, I see that this entire time I’ve been Vitally Vulnerable.
Vulnerable is a tricky word. We often associate it with weakness or a sense of delicacy. Vulnerable can also be a scary word. Vulnerability leaves us wide open to any and all emotions. By pure definition, being vulnerable puts us in a position where others can hurt us. I decided to be vulnerable right after I had been hurt and betrayed in the most horrific way I could have imagined. Why did I do it? Maybe I felt numb, like nothing else could really hurt me. Maybe I needed the support from my army of angels. Maybe I felt a desire to connect with others who had experienced the same thing or to help others that had experienced the same thing. Or maybe, I was already naked and realized there is strength in being completely stripped down with no coat of armor. Whatever drove me to do it, I have no regrets. My time of healing has no doubt been easier and likely shortened due to the risk I took in being vulnerable.
After I filed for divorce, I said the words, “I will never date again.” As time passed, that changed to “I will never get in a relationship again.” A little more time passed and it moved to, “I will never get married again.”
One month ago today, I connected with Andy. We had incredible intellectual chemistry. We had matching emotional intelligence and a strong physical attraction. We went on a few dates and with each encounter, our connection grew stronger. The connection is so strong that we are now in a relationship. I announced this on FB yesterday and received tremendous support. I also witnessed that good ‘ol ridicule and judgement. I strategically use the word “witnessed” in relation to ridicule as opposed to the word “received” in relation to support. I welcome the support. I simply witness the ridicule.
Sharing this new relationship once again made me vulnerable. But if I’ve learned anything, I’ve learned that sharing my truth, unapologetically, offers me freedom. I am free to be me and to go after the life I desire.
6 months later, I feel as though things have come full circle. I was vulnerable in sharing the pain and by doing so, I was freed from a prison. Today, I am vulnerable in sharing the joy and am once again, freed from a prison. It’s funny how vulnerability yields the same results regardless of how it is used.
If you’ve never allowed yourself to be truly vulnerable, I highly recommend it. Strip down the armor.
In the end, we simply won’t make it through this journey without being vulnerable. We may as well do it in time to enjoy the growth, the gifts and the freedom. Getting naked is not as scary as it seems, it’s actually rewarding beyond imagination.
#VitallyVulnerable #Yogirunner #TranscendtheBullshit #EndDomesticViolence
