It’s that time again. The therapeutic time to write from a vulnerable and transparent place. Why do I do it? Because it’s cathartic, and because many of our beloved friends have been asking for an update.
To each person who has continued to reach out during this time, we cannot tell you how impactful it has been. Not one message, text, email or phone call goes unnoticed. Each one adds to the mounding strength we are needing to draw upon.
Prostate cancer is a tricky thing. Physically, Brien is fine. He really is not feeling any symptoms nor would anyone know he has cancer just by looking at him.
It’s the mental and emotional roller coaster that can take it’s toll. With the looming surgery date of August 7 just over a month away, things are getting real again.
I’m a busy gal…always have been. I get more busy when I don’t want to focus on something. Some people eat, some people drink, some people check out completely. Me…I “do”. So if I seem extra busy right now, you can understand why. The thing about it is – all the busyness in the world can’t change what is on our plate right now. So I find myself in unchartered territories. I can’t “busy” my way out of this one.
Fortunately, food, alcohol and checking out don’t work for me either, so I guess I have but one choice – to be present, to accept our situation and to pull that strength from deep within. Not only for myself, but for my family who is all going through this too.
Brien is my hero. I can’t even imagine how scary this must be for him. Just having cancer is enough, but the fact that he lost his wife (and daughter) 14 years ago to cancer must create some intense emotions. You would never know it though. He continues to be the emotional rock of our household. He is working diligently to ensure that everything will be taken care of when he is out for surgery. And you know what? I haven’t heard him complain once. He’s taken blow for blow this year but continues to uplift me and our family, reassuring us all that everything will be ok. So for everyone asking how Brien is doing….he is amazing, true rock star status.
There you have it, my update in a nutshell. I can say one thing about this journey; I am learning so much about myself….my strengths, my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities – so many blind spots unveiled. And as for what I’m learning about Brien? Well, I always knew he was incredible, but I now know without a doubt, (thank you Jerry McGuire) – he completes me. Even through his own trials, he is helping me grow and become a more real version of me. My knight in shining armor will be just fine, because he has to be.